The Obnoxious Bike Rider Rant

I’d first like to state for the record that I am a huge supporter of all forms of bike riding, bike riding competition, bike riding for fun and bike riding as a means of transportation.

I am also all about bike rider safety and hope all bike riders wear light colored clothing with reflectors and take every precaution to keep themselves safe on the road.  Now that I’m older and my eyes get worse and worse each year I understand how difficult it can be to  see dark objects at night and why the reflective strips and light colored clothing is.  I hope everyone everywhere respects bike riders and bike riders safety.

imageNow having said all that I would like to ask a little favor of all the bike riders out there.  For the love of Christ if you are out for a bike ride could you please please please stay as close as you can safely stay to the right hand side of the road?

As I was just coming back from making a lobster delivery I get behind a row of about 10 bicyclists.   Out for a leisurely ride and on busy rogers street about half of them are 6-7 feet into the middle of the road while there is a line of cars behind me and a ton of oncoming traffic on the other side of the road.

If you safely hug the right hand side of the road I’d have no problem passing right by you but you grape smuggler funny bicycle short wearing bananaheads feel it necessary to take up the whole road.  I could floor it and squeak around your inconsiderate ass but that’s not my style.  As the Mrs constantly reminds me I drive like a grandmother, a slowpoke.

And why is it that there seems to be a correlation between the outrageousness of the bicycle outfit and the obnoxiousness of the road hogging.

Like the crazier the outfit the more of the road the feel they own.

I ask that if you are a bicycle rider and again you should be commended for trying to stay fit with such a great outdoor activity, but please try to be considerate of the folks that share the road with you and stay as closely to the right hand side of the road as you can.  Us motor vehicle operators want nothing but the safest of driving environments for you.

Thank you

You just know this dude doesn’t give a shit who is behind him-


Forget about these guys- I’m guessing they ride in formation five across, blocking entire lanes while holding conversations about their nut sacks and how they could possibly mash their junk up more.-


18 thoughts on “The Obnoxious Bike Rider Rant

  1. In response to your comments here I AGREE thank you for posting this entire blog!!! Thank you.. we want “safety for all” and bicycle riders have to be aware of how narrow roads are out here too.
    In San Diego, Ca when I was out living there for a number of years. The thing that would really freak me out was to see when the bicycle riders would actually be so pushing their luck and “riding” to the left of the cars on a left turn in front of you!!!!
    I really liked your entire post especially this part: thank you … Please be careful Bicycle riders and we want to be extra careful with you as well… as copied from above: and thank you

    “I ask that if you are a bicycle rider and again you should be commended for trying to stay fit with such a great outdoor activity, but please try to be considerate of the folks that share the road with you and stay as closely to the right hand side of the road as you can. Us motor vehicle operators who want nothing but the safest of driving environments for you.”


  2. Just last night, crossing from Sage going to Stone’s Pub I was almost creamed by a guy riding his bike the wrong way on the street. He was going extremely fast too. I was looking for any cars coming from the correct direction, not thinking any one would be coming from my left. Seriously, it could have been ugly for the both of us. My husband was furious. Good thing he didn’t have his baseball bat.


  3. I read in the Globe recently that bikers have a right to the entire lane (according to State Law). Not happy about that, but that being said, why don’t they obey the same laws? Don’t keep passing me on the right in traffic. Stop at lights. If I can’t go, you can’t go.


  4. I’m with you, Joey. I’ve seen that behavior wherever I’ve lived – Gloucester, NH, Cape Cod and here in Florida. Seems like about 15 years ago when they started wearing those clown costumes they started riding as you described. Florida has a rule that they must stop and walk their bikes to cross an interesction. Yesterday I saw a flight of about 15 of them ride single file through a yellow and then red light, laughing all the way. I have no problem with them as long as they ride on the right in single file.


  5. I just read the bicycle rant and plan on mailing you the sticker I had made for my car.  I live in southern California but was born and raised on the Maine coast and I simply lose my squash at the spandex mafia that thoroughly dominates my neighborhood every weekend.  Gigantic batch of asshats who form a massive group every weekend morning making it entirely impossible to get around near our house. And boy are they uppity.  Blow through stop signs, traffic lights and as you said, manage to find themselves dead center of the road going 7 with no intention of moving over. 

    This space should be a photo of my bumper sticker that has a little guy on his 10 speed and says “MOVE OVER OR MOVE TO FRANCE”
    (I couldn’t get it to paste in here)

    That’s my answer.  And when they freak out and ride up next to me yelling I just give them the “shhhhh” sign or thumbs up.  Drives them insane.  A few have laughed but most get all wound up.  Nothing they can do at that point though.  Move over, quiet down and I love your clown suit. 

    Keep an eye out for your sticker coming in the mail.

    Dan Goldthwait


  6. …..and a PS to those guys wearing white spandex, it makes your ass look like a barn door, and we need not mention how it looks in the front!


  7. Hey Joey,

    I have been riding a road bike for thirty years and I agree there are a lot of douche bags out there on bikes. I cannot agree, however, with your advice about hugging the right side of the road. those stencils put on the roads of Gloucester last year were for a reason. The number one cause of injuries and deaths to cyclists is getting “doored.” Hugging the right side of the road on Stacey Boulevard, Rogers Street or Main Street is suicidal.


  8. There needs to be education for cyclists and drivers alike. I agree with the poster who reminds us that dooring is the number one cause of injury for cyclists.
    How do cyclists learn to follow rules of the road? How do make this a civil discussion without name calling? I am proud to “bike Gloucester”, with my husband and three children.
    As parents, we need to educate our children about how to ride safely: ride with traffic, obey traffic signals, and stay close to the side of the road. Wearing a helmet is a Massachusetts law for children 16 and under. We can model good choices by wearing a helmet ourselves.
    We all need to be respectful of each other, whether driving or riding. “Share the road!”


    1. I’m all about sharing the road. I’m all about biking. I swear i am.
      What I’m not all about is riding two or three side by side on narrow winding roads for ten minutes without going single file.

      I don’t know much about the inner workings of the bike world. What I do know is that you’re supposed to ride single file.


  9. Just got back from Rotterdam, Nethrrelands where the bike rules the road…they are all healthy and still riding into their eighties. They have the right of way at every intersection. You meatheads with your elitist attitudes do not rule the road. I drive a car and respect you less for the fact that some of you toucholes are willing to drag the bikers to the edges of your highway to have your way. I own and ride a motorcycle and have been pushed off of the road by you tin heads in your four wheeled vehicles. I say respect your brothers and sisters who choose to live a healthy lifestyle bicycling affords them. Go to Holland and learn from these folks! Good luck explaining your obvious obstanance to the judge!


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