A GMG Tradition Unlike Any Other- The Annual Friends Don’t Let Friends Buy Ugly Red Mulch Post

I think we’re going on 5 or 6 years now and at some point you’d think I wouldn’t have to remind folks but at the first signs of the palletloads of brown and (icky) red mulch showing up at Shaws I’m here to save the design challenged folks of the world that just might not understand how trashy the red mulch looks.  For those of you that might need a refresher I’ll dial up the way back machine to posts from 2012 and 2013-


Orange Mulch Is A Fail

Posted on June 19, 2013

Someone needs to clue me in on how you could go to the landscape supply joint and make the conscious decision to buy orange mulch over the nice dark brown (almost black) compost mulch. I’ll go dark brown mulch all day long over toxic waste neon orange mulch. It’s just way more aesthetically pleasing. I don’t know a whole lot about landscape supply costs. Maybe they pay people who opt for the neon orange mulch to take it away from their landscape supply yard. I can’t think of a single other reason someone would choose it over the classy dark brown. They actually dye it that hideous orange color. You gotta be a savage to get the orange stuff, no? What am I missing here? image





Posted on July 23, 2012


To the people who begrudge EJ From Pimping Her Book Here…

Please unsubscribe.

I’ve read your nasty comments.  Her Kickstarter has something like 11 more days for her to potentially be able to get her book financed.

If you can’t see how much she gives back to the community by posting artists openings, volunteering for the Rocky Neck Art Colony, hosting  Mug-Ups, ect, ect, ect then you’re just not paying enough attention.

She hits her daily time slot here on GMG 99 out of a 100 days and 95% of the posts she composes are to help promote other community organizations or bring some interesting bit of information to our readership that they might not already have known.

So if you are not interested in the Kickstarter campaign for her new book and simply can’t bring yourself to scroll past her post during the next 10 days of her Kickstarter Campaign without writing a nasty comment then lets just do everyone a favor and please unsubscribe yourself.

For all the labor of love energy we put into this thing called GMG we don’t need your negative energy mucking up the works.


This goes for Kim Smith’s movie night promotions, Felicia’s cookbooks and anything else that our contributors who strive to bring you great stuff every single day occasionally will pimp here on these pages.   335 posts a year trying to help others throughout the community, 30 posts trying to get her book financed and some people are that ignorant that they have to spew vitriol because they begrudge her of promoting her art.

Again, Unbelievable.

Daily Discussion- What Is Proper Etiquette When It Comes To Dogs Barking In Your Neighborhood Throughout The Evening/Night?

I wonder how the thought process goes for dog owners whose dogs are outside and bark throughout the evening and into the night (like non-stop barking).

Do they much like the dog lovers whose dogs jump up on you and get your clothes all filthy think it’s cute when they bark all night outside as well?

You think those dog owners are saying to themselves “Ahhh, that sweet melody of my dog barking away at bunny rabbits in the yard all night, I bet all our neighbors love listening to our dog just as much as we do.  Isn’t it just music to your ears and oh so soothing when you’re trying to go to bed.  puts me to sleep every time”

I’m not the kind of guy that ever wants to call the po po or animal control on their neighbors.  I’d really just like them to realize that there are neighbors out there that just might not appreciate their dog barking all night the way they do.

What are your thoughts on the subject?  Have you ever encountered this and how did you handle it? Leave a comment on this post and explain what course of action or non-action you would take.

It’s never going to sink in is it? ARGHHHHHH!!!!!

I should really just submit and resign myself that there are people that no matter what you do or say or how many times it’s repeated, they will refuse to use a search engine.

Need to get me one of those LMGTFY T Shirts, baseball caps and whatever other products they come up with.  If they have a car wrap I’ll buy one of those too.


Hi Joey

Did I miss the posting of One Billion Rising on GMG?  Coming up on FRIDAY FEB 14. Peeps looking on GMG but haven’t seen it yet!

Thnx so much!
Name Removed , LMHC


No it was posted three times.  a search would provide the links

there is a search box and there is also google.

might i suggest the search terms one billion rising and goodmorninggloucester.

Here are the results 

There are no less than 5 results.

Now the thing that really tends to get me going more than having to point out that search engines exists is that when you suggest that search engines exist to most people, they seem genuinely indignant and feel like you are singling them out for being a dummy.

I should note that this is not the case with the person who sent me this email who I am sure is a very lovely person.

This note to those who refuse to use search engines –




*note: If this email was a joke in response to last week’s post linked below then I hope you burn in hell.

How much could I charge for a seminar to teach people how to look for things on the internet using a search engine?

Posted on February 3, 2014 by Joey C



Anyone feel like photoshopping my head onto this?


Rant: Someone Needs To Take The Fashion Designer That Decided Aztec Prints Were Gonna Be The “Thing” This Year Behind The Woodshed…

2013-12-13 12.16.11Someone Needs To Take The Fashion Designer That Decided Aztec Print Fashion Was Gonna Be  the “Thing” This Year Behind The Woodshed and Pop a Cap in His/Her Ass.

Who was the high powered fashion magazine editor or designer that decided that Aztec print clothing was gonna be the rage this year?  I hope y’all don’t have any investments in retail because this shit just isn’t gonna sell and they’re gonna take some serious markdowns on this crap.  And it isn’t just like one or two retailers having it on their racks.  It’s like every single shop at the Mall has Native Aztec fashion front and center like it’s gonna revolutionize the fashion world.

Fire ‘em.  Fire ‘em all.  Every last woman’s clothing retail buyer should be fired on the spot for trotting out such ugly fashion this year.

Can’t we get back just a little bit to Jackie O?  Is that too much to ask?

I was walking through Nordstrom and they’re also pushing MC Hammer Pants for ladies.  For real???????  Oh and don’t even get me started on the whole high-waisted shorts thing.  Might as well bring back 80’s bangs and spiked up hair.

They ought to just hire your boy Joey to get them back on track.  You know the most unlikely joint of all that’s keeping things relatively normal- brace yourselves…. Sears Lands End for Men, Women and Children. If you would have told me I’d have more success shopping at Sears Lands End than Nordstrom 5 years ago I would have told you that you were crazy.  But the facts are the facts- when Nordies rolls out MC Hammer Pants, High-Waisted Jeans and Aztec clothing as this year’s “It” fashions you gotta call ‘em out on it and someone needs to lose their job in the buying department.  Bottom Line. End Of Story.


2013-12-13 12.15.362013-12-13 12.15.502013-12-13 12.16.232013-12-13 12.41.23

So If The Next Time You See me I’m Bleeding Profusely From My Face…

You can blame it on my decision to take a shot on some CVS brand disposable razors.

I ran out of  blades for my Gillette Mach III razor blade shaver about a month ago and finally succumbed to the need to buy new ones.  Went to Target and  couldn’t bring myself to spend $32 for 15 razor blades.  Seems insane to me.  Those dinky little Mach III refills cost over $2 each.

So after another full week of using the dull month and a week old razor blade I finally decided I had to suck it up and buy some new blades.  Went to CVS and saw they had a big sale on razor blades and grabbed this deal-

2 four packs of what looks to be the premium CVS brand disposables.  They were $6.99 per pack and if you bought two packs you got $5 back. Basically $14 minus a $5 rebate for 8 disposable razors comes out to just over a buck a razor.  If I’m found days from now dead,  in a pool of blood from multiple deep inflicted razor cut wounds you’ll know why.

What do you buy for shaving products?  Do you go premium Gillette or the cheapest thing possible?  I’d be interested to hear what people are doing these days.

2013-11-13 10.17.11

Search Questions I Get


Could you please tell me where I can find the promo you ran about my new book.  I’ve been looking through today’s GMG and I can’t locate it.
Barry Stacks


Go Ahead Click The Google Search Button.  Please.  I know you have it in you.  I just know it can’t be that difficult to grasp that there is thing on the interwebs called Google that actually allows you to find things that may be posted about a certain subject you may be interested in.

If you have a thing against the word “Google” and it sends shivers up your spine perhaps you could try Bing.

Googlephobia- the fear of using a friggin search engine to find something on the internet.


I swear to Christ I get 3-5 of these questions a day.  Every day.  It’s maddening.

On top of being able to search anything on the internet there’s also a Good Morning Gloucester Search Engine.  I swear it’s there.  I promise

actual screen Shot of Good Morning Gloucester Home Page below

You can go to the homepage here- www.goodmorninggloucester.com  Bookmark it for easy reference.  The search engine is in the top right corner.

You can use it to search.  I promise you won’t get herpes or anything.  It’s been tested.



Long Island Middle School Bans Footballs, Other Recreational Items

Concerns About Injuries Prompted Ban, Port Washington Officials Say
October 7, 2013 5:19 PM

PORT WASHINGTON, N.Y. (CBSNewYork) — Worries about injuries at a Long Island school have led to a surprising ban.

As CBS 2’s Jennifer McLogan reported Monday, officials at Weber Middle School in Port Washington are worried that students are getting hurt during recess. Thus, they have instituted a ban on footballs, baseballs, lacrosse balls, or anything that might hurt someone on school grounds.

I honestly don’t know if I’m more sickened by this, sad by this or outraged by this.

Maybe a combination of all three but what stands out right now is the pit in my stomach over this debacle and ruination of our society by idiots who want to protect everyone from themselves at all times and in doing so decimate of the basic rights of passage of our youth.

How in the world do these parents in this community not step in and fire this school administrator immediately?  What is the end game here? 

Revolting.  Disgusting. 

Listen I was the skinny nerdy kid who was the last kid picked for sides on any athletic game in the schoolyard.  It sucked.  But you know what?  By being the last kid picked all the time it motivated me to eat healthier, lift weights, pack on a little mass and get into sports where I could compete.    I’m glad my feelings got hurt.  It motivated me at the gym when I got older.  It made me want to study harder and save money in my 20s so I could show those girls who were attracted to the over developed stud athletes instead of me that I was worthy.  Still awkward looking well into my 40s, doesn’t matter, if you don’t think I don’t carry that feeling of being the last guy picked for the schoolyard teams into my workouts today you’re crazy.

Enough with the coddling FFS.

Jim Dowd responds to the attack on the Boston Marathon


[Two products of our fair city. Both will kick your ass.]


Oh man, you screwed up, didn’t you?

Yes, your little RadioShack experiment for evil hurt and killed some people and got you the attention you were obviously so desperately seeking. Point for you there, asshole. But I get the sense you really don’t know what you’ve done here, do you? Are you from out of town? I have the strong sense that you are.

If that is the case, allow me tell you a little something about the city you screwed with. This town is not your run-of-the mill medium sized regional capital. In picking Boston as a target you picked has the unique condition of having a ridiculously huge number of completely off-the-wall genius techno-wizards co-existing right alongside some of the most psychotic angry, violent motherf&*^ers on the planet. I guarantee you that bringing these two groups together for common cause will turn out to be a massive miscalculation your part.

Do you have any idea what I’m talking about? This small city produced both Stephen J Gould and Whitey Bulger.  This place gave us Leonard Nimoy and Mark Wahlberg.  Southie and Cambridge. Brookline and Brockton. This place will kick the screaming piss out of you, come up with a cure for having the screaming piss kicked out of you, give it to you for free, then win a Nobel prize for it and then use the medallion to break your knuckles. See what I’m talking about?

Go to other towns with smart people. Do they have the tattooed, scarred, pent-up hard-cases to match? Every time I go to a bar in Palo Alto or Zurich I get the distinct sense that I could pretty much take everyone in there while still holding my own in Words With Friends on my iPhone. Not that I’m some huge tough guy by any stretch of the imagination, it’s just that Boston and the other “smart” towns are in different leagues. It’s like the Bruins going up against some “Magic The Gathering” gamers at pond hockey. (And not our the Magic The Gathering players in Gloucester, either. I’ve seen those dudes and they actually look like they could hold their own pretty well. I certainly wouldn’t try and cast a dubious spell with those guys, they’re hardcore.)

Boston produces two distinct stereotypes: Huge, giant geeks and angry Catholic tough guys. You know what? Both of those are true and you, you dumb shit, just gave them a reason to team up. And on top of it you attacked our signature event, one made up of exceedingly fit people who pursue a hobby of enduring incredible searing pain for hours on end. This is what they do for “fun”. You think these guys aren’t going to go to the ends of the Earth to catch you? Trust me, this town will never forget and never give up. We have a thing here called “Irish Alzheimer’s”- it’s when the only memories you have are grudges.

You terrorist asshole, I can assure you that right now, just as I am writing this, that there are dudes sitting in conference rooms and labs a few blocks away in Cambridge drawing elaborate flow charts on whiteboards that describe exactly how to deploy arcane, unheard of and incredibly complicated technology involving quantum entanglement and nanobots to pinpoint, as much as the universe will allow considering the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, your sorry, sorry stupid pathetic little ass.

And behind me in the North End and across the channel to the bars on Summer St. there are similar groups of dudes debating the scientific merits of different electrical voltages applied to the various soft tissues of the human body in order to elicit maximum amounts of excruciating pain over time. They have formulas for this [V/NADS over Time= Screams that they will hear in Worcester]. This is not a theoretical discussion; they are speaking from practical experience.

You’d better pray the BPD catches you first. No, scratch that, you’d better pray for the FBI. No, wait, all those dudes went to Holy Cross. For your own good you might want to turn yourself in to the CDC or the National Geospatial Agency or something like that. They might let you live. Maybe.

And worse yet for you, Boston is provincial in a way that makes Sicily look like Epcot. We don’t care if you’re going to school here, just moved from half a world away or are up for a long weekend. When you’re in Boston, you’re Boston. We watch each other’s backs, always have and always will. And we live for an enemy and a purpose. This is not going to end well for you. Over the past three centuries we’ve taken on Imperial England, slavery and Krispy Kreeme. Note that given time, Boston wins every time.

Come to think of it, a lot of those Geospatial guys went to MIT. Oh man, you are so effed.

Outrage! Monopoly Cuts Iron Token and Adds Cat Token (undoubtedly at the hands of crazy emotionally unstable cat hoarding women)

From CBS Boston this morning-

Monopoly Fans Vote To Add Cat Token, Get Rid Of Iron

PAWTUCKET, R.I. (AP) — Scottie dog has a new nemesis in Monopoly after fans voted in an online contest to add a new cat token to the property trading game, replacing the iron, toy maker Hasbro Inc. announced Wednesday.

The results were announced after the shoe, wheelbarrow and iron were neck and neck in the final hours of voting that sparked passionate efforts by fans to save their favorite tokens and businesses eager to capitalize on publicity surrounding pieces that represent their products.

The vote on Facebook closed just before midnight on Tuesday, marking the first time that fans have had a say on which of the eight tokens to add and which one to toss. The pieces identify the players and have changed quite a lot since Parker Brothers bought the game from its original designer in 1935.

Rhode Island-based Hasbro announced the new piece Wednesday morning.

Let me state for the record that this is a horrible idea on many levels.  First off just think about how poor Scottie the Dog token feels about this development.  Alone at the top of the heap and now this johnny come lately kitty cat just saunters on up and weasels their way on the board.

Then there’s the whole classic angle of the game.  Monopoly is a classic, no doubt about it.  I feel strongly you should never tinker with the classics.

Only a crazy single woman harboring tons of cats in her apartment would think this is a good idea.  Oh and along that vein and pardon my little tangent that I’m about to take here but I think that you’ll agree it’s a tangent worth taking-

Warning to all single men out there-

If you’re out in the evening and get invited back to a woman’s apartment for a “nightcap” and once you get inside the apartment, anticipating to get all up in her business- no matter how hot she may be, no matter how intelligent she may seem or how much you two seem to have in common-

If she’s harboring 3 or more cats- RUN!   Don’t look back.  Just run!!!!  In my experience from back in my bachelor days every one of these multiple cat hoarding single broads are batshit crazy (and I don’t mean batshit crazy in the I wanna tie you up and play sex games kinda kinky way)  I mean batshit crazy in the emotionally unstable kinda way.

So bringing this post back on topic I’m assuming that the majority of people who voted for the cat token to replace the classic iron token are batshit crazy emotionally unstable single cat hoarders.

And is that who you really want making decisions about who decides the fate of your classic board game tokens?

I think not.

On Flu Hysteria and The Self Admitted Creepy Guy On Twitter (oh and a poll too)

So yesterday I’m reading all the hysteria about the flu on twitter and suddenly now that Menino announced it as a crisis I guess everything that every man woman and child knew about  this flu season  became real for folks.  But I came across this Tweet that was the straw that broke the camel’s back as far as the hysteria meter goes-

Let me answer unequivocally that I’d rather be the dude that sucks up a couple days with the flu rather than the dope that goes a whole winter wearing a surgical mask.

I hope to god this guy is married already because he’s got zero and I mean zero chance of getting laid rocking a surgical mask out and about all winter.  We’re talking about an epic case of blue balls.  And you know what?  If it comes between an epic case of Blue Balls and an Epic Case of The Flu, give me the Flu 100 times out of 100.

We’re talking about a flu.  Yeah, a nasty flu.  A really sucky fever and chills flu.  Any parent that has had it or had a child with it can tell you how sucky it is but you don’t see the most paranoid Type A moms in the Hamilton or Manchester Mother’s clubs wearing surgical masks.  So I’m gonna venture out on a limb here and use that as my litmus test.  If the Alpha Psycho Type A Moms of the world aren’t even considering wearing surgical masks then no man should wear one.

If you are battling a life threatening illness or if you’re eighty years old and can die of pneumonia, if you have a young newborn at risk at home, by all means, but not if you’re a healthy 30 or 40 something. We’re not talking about SARS.  We’re talking about a flu.

Man Up Bro.


(I just totally signed my I’m gonna get the Flu the minute I land back in Boston card)

Anyway- here’s the poll-

Note To Sandwich Makers Everywhere (Rant)


If you go and pile all the meat in the middle of the sandwich so you can cut it in half and make it look like you use all that large amount of meat throughout the sandwich but leave the edges devoid of meat I’m gonna find out you freakin dumbass.

…and I’m gonna feel like you were trying to pull one over on me. 

…and is that really the message you want to send to your customers?

Yeah, you got me to buy your sandwich because it looked all loaded up with meat where you cut it down the center and displayed it wrapped in cellophane.  Once.

Who the hell wants to eat three quarters of a sandwich that’s all dry because it’s all bread and then get to the center where they cut it and not even be able to stuff it in your mouth?

It’s insulting.  Spread the goddamn meat out and make the best sandwich all the way through, first bite to last.

That’s just being honest. 

What, do we all look like that big of idiots that we’re not going to realize what you did there?

(don’t answer that question)

The Genius Who Redesigned Gum Packaging Should Be Publicly Flogged

I took this cell phone pic this morning as I was getting ready for work.  That pack of gum was not propped to look like the mess it is.  That’s the way it came out of my pants last night when I put the stuff in my pockets onto my bathroom vanity at the end of the day.

Can someone please explain to me what kind of mental giant came up with this design?

I think we should find out what school this person went to and publicly humiliate that institution of higher learning.

It is inevitable that the packets of gum flail about in your pockets and never stay put.  It’s a mess.  Bring me back those old school Wrigley’s packets with the Doublemint or Juicyfruit FTW!

This shit is just not acceptable.


What Kind Of Human Being Does This To A Bicyclist?

Newton cyclist’s ‘dooring’ allegation sparks debate about police response

Posted by Deidre Fernandes September 7

A Newton police officer’s response to a biking incident earlier this week has triggered a firestorm of criticism from cyclists and spurred the Newton Police Department to take a closer look at the case.

It all happened during Molly Schaeffer’s usual commute home from work this past Tuesday. Schaeffer, a software management consultant and grandmother of two, said she rides her bike to work daily.

But as she traveled down Beacon Street toward Hammond Street, she said, an old Mercedes pulled up in front of her. While the car was moving, according to Schaeffer, one of the passengers on her side opened the door and yelled “doored.”

Click here for the rest of the story on Boston.com

Those of you who read GMG know of my disdain for bicyclists who ride two abreast and don’t allow you to pass them safely (not informed and courteous bicyclists, but the ones who think they own the road and that they are training for the Tour De France)

But this trend of opening up doors in front of bikers intentionally is disturbing regardless of how out to lunch the biker may be.  Hopefully they get to the bottom of the trend and force these offenders to do some serious road safety training or pull their license and force the motorists to ride a bike to work for a month or two and see what the bicyclist has to deal with.

I may lose my shit if I get another 3-4 Press releases per week from the same organizations over and over and over and over again

I like helping get the word out about all the cool stuff happening all over town really I do.

You know what I’m not a fan of?

Community organizations that send you thirty press releases from every member of their organization asking you to pimp the same event.

You gotta get your shit together people.  I can’t even imagine how the community editors of local newspapers handle these organizations after they’ve been doing it for 20 years.  I’d likely go postal, LOL

You have to talk to each other and have one point person who gets out your press releases and if you have two or three different events going on at your joint over the course of the week, combine the press releases into one email so we can put it all up there for you all at once and be done with it.

Think about the editor who isn’t just handling your press release, they are handling every other press release from every other organization in the city.

There are far more organizations that get it right but there are a select few that manage to hammer the crap out of news organizations multiple times a week and inevitably those same people are the ones who rarely send out a correct first release.  Inevitably there will be a follow up email asking you to make changes or changes to the revised copy they sent you the second go around.

ARGHHHHHH!!!!  Seriously You’re better than that!

Poll- Is The Perfume That Abercrombie Pumps Out In Front Of Their Stores Obnoxious or Am I Just An Old crank Who Doesnt Get It?

I literally gag when I walk by Abercrombie at The North Shore Shopping center and inhale that perfume they pump out into the mall.  Does it bother you or do you like it?

I’m trying to gauge if it’s just me or if other people feel the same way.  I literally hold my breath after that first gulp of air.

To Whomever Spray-Painted Graffiti On My Fence At 25 Addison St Between 9PM and 3AM Friday Night From Kathleen at Big Mike’s Bikes

To Whomever Spray-Painted Graffiti On My Fence At 25 Addison St Between 9PM and 3AM Friday Night:

We need to fund arts in education more. Clearly. Because neither I, nor the officer who so nicely came out to look at it, nor my neighbors can figure out what the hell you drew here. Sclop? Solop? Is that an E? A hat? A mushroom? Any one of those are the worst fake gang names ever. Sclop Hat. Yeah, that guy’s hardcore. We don’t mess with Sclop Hat ’round these parts.
I feel bad for you because on a Friday night, you didn’t have anything better to do than spray paint my fence. You couldn’t even get invited to a house party? On Labor day weekend? This is probably because no one likes you maybe because you smell or have a visible rash. Now I have to spend my day off trying to figure out how to get your shoddy, crapass drawing off my fence. I’d have at least been less pissed about it if it was well-done, but you’re no Banksy. I can point you towards Art Haven if you want to improve your artistic talent in the future.
This is why we can’t have nice things. At least you didn’t steal my bike, I guess.
You suck,

Specializing in used bicycle sales and service.
New and used parts and accessories.

Reason Number One Why I Could Never Fit In To Corporate America- Corporate Speak

You ever run into someone in the corporate or country club world and they give you the-

How are yeeeew?  Or Thank Yeeew.  If you get the corporate yeeew thrown in there you can rest assured that the person delivering the  yeeew has zero and I mean zero care about your reply.  It is because they are required to speak to you for tehir job and they are trained mentally to talk in some weird way.

The same person you run into on a personal level greets you with “hey how are ‘ya.”  And you know what?   They probably give at least a little bit of a real care about how things are going for you.

But if you run into that sideways handshake and the “How are yeeeew?” you may as well get a swift kick in the nuts because that’s about as disingenuous as it gets.  I’d rather the person come out with “Listen you jabroni, you’re keeping me from checking out the latest post on Good Morning Gloucester so can we just forgo the pleasantries and let me take care of whatever menial bullshit you’ve got for me so we can both get on with our lives?” 

Much better.

Just sayin.

Joey C Props and Flops June 2012 Edition


Trader Joe’s Edamame Hummus

Surfside Subs Lobster Roll Made With The Mrs’ Recipe

McDonalds Tasteful Reconstruction

Cape Ann Insurance Stellar Service

Burnham’s Field Community Garden New Mural

City Hall Restoration

Volunteers Who Make Fiesta Happen

DPW College Work Crew



DJ’s that only play songs from the eighties

Road Hog Bike Riders

Orange Mulch