Dear Super Observant Man at the Pool,
Please allow me to begin by saying that I completely appreciate the fact that you took the time to let me know how much you enjoyed watching my husband frolic and play with our boys in the pool. He certainly does have fun with them and they adore his attention. He is indeed, as you so quickly noticed, a fantastic dad and I too get the warm fuzzies watching the boys climb all over him while giggling incessantly. Coincidently, I had just entertained some of those very same thoughts myself while watching them all play! It was very kind of you to stop me as I was walking by (with wet towels, 2 pair of flip flops, 1/2 of a sticky smoothie…made to order…dripping down my arm and off my elbow, a boogie board, a bag of pool toys, and the wad of gum that Child #1 accidentally left on his beach chair), to let me know that you found it incredibly refreshing to see a parent so completely engaged in unabashed fun with his children. He sure is special and I’m so glad that you noticed. It was so kind of you in fact, that I almost didn’t notice when you took a dig at me by adding, “You must feel very lucky that he entertained the boys for so long while you sat in your chair and relaxed.” I almost missed your raised eyebrow and the slight change in the tone of your voice. I also almost missed your wife’s horrified, albeit subtle, cringe when you went just a little bit too far.
For the record, I wouldn’t dare take a single word of your praise away from my husband because in that moment, and in many other moments, he is even more wonderful with our boys than even you described. However, what you may not know, is that earlier that morning…and every other day of vacation…I took the boys for a long run/rollerblade as he enjoyed some peace and quiet. You also may not know that, since my husband is out of the house and hard at work very early each morning, I have the pleasure of getting the boys ready for school, taking them there, seeing them throughout the day as I work my full-time (and then some) job as a teacher in the same school, picking them up, taking them to after-school activities, and then bringing them home late in the afternoon…every.single.day. You also may not have deducted from your 30 minute observation of how we parent as a team, that until recently my husband was also hard at work on Saturdays so, that being the case, I have had the pleasure, for over 7 years, of taking them on countless excursions without him. While he would have loved to have joined us, he simply wasn’t able. Likewise, as a teacher, I am incredibly fortunate to have the entire summer off with the boys. It would be impossible to count all of the fun days that we’ve had…or even the quick overnight trips that we’ve taken…without him..during those long summer breaks.
I cannot emphasize enough how absolutely correct you were! He was (and is…whenever given the opportunity) a fantastic, fun, and hands-on father to our two young sons. I am beyond glad that you got to see him in his glory and that his awesomeness was not lost on you. I do however wish, kind sir, that you had thought a wee bit deeper before evidently determining that I do not do the exact same 90% of the time. While so quick to rightfully compliment him…you simultaneously insulted me with very little regard. Sadly, for his sake, my number of incredibly hands-on days with our children have had to outweigh his by a tremendously large number. So, yes sir, when given the opportunity to allow him to relish in some of the simple quality time that is always so readily available to me, I sure did. Selfishly, while relaxing as you put it, I was also admiring how adorable the three of them are together.
You caught me. Sitting there in the sun…relaxing for 30 minutes. Guess what? I did it the day before that for a nice little chunk of time…and maybe even the day that before too. The horror. You might, but probably not, be interested in knowing that when I later expressed how bothered I was by your obvious criticism of me, my husband immediately laughed and said, “If only he knew how often you are off entertaining them on your own!” Proving once again, how great he is. I’ll also have you know that another very kind man echoed many of your same words the very next day….and, believe it or not, was able to do so without a hint of sarcasm or ridicule in regards to my parenting in his voice. Imagine that.
Sincerely,
A very relaxed mom…thanks to a great dad…who is now ready to tackle a slew of solo activities until the day that I get the opportunity to sit and relax again. (and when that day comes…you can bet I will)
Good Morning Gloucester 
Nichole: what a great post and so true. Even in the year of 2015, it is assumed that mom’s who sit for one minute, and most times it is only 1 minute, that the mom has been sitting all day.
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Don’t let the Turkeys get you down. Rock on Nicole, I enjoy your posts
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ouch :- ) I agree. I hate when nice compliments are intertwined with mysterious sarcasm. I try to remember that some people have no brains when it comes to social etiquette. And some people are flat out wierd. What an idiot.
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Imagine having to live with him. I hope his wife is half as articulate as you but I doubt it.
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and if you were me, you would of said this “Heelllllll Yea i relaxed and did you notice the bottle of wine by my side I finished, i am incredibly thankful for my hubby” If you need to hear the exact tone i would of said that in feel free to ask next time you see me 🙂
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Wow! A 21 word statement that could be interpreted in many ways promulgates an 861 word reply!
One being a “dig” and maybe there were a whole lot of other ways to interpret it. Maybe he thinks you are lucky to get a break knowing that most Moms don’t get those breaks, maybe he was just being as nice as he could and doesn’t have the same social skills as you. But in the end someone said some nice things to you and you had to focus on one statement that could be interpreted in many ways. I’ve been there before. I don’t have the greatest verbal skills and at times get caught in my own awkwardness. So.. now I say nothing when I’d like to say something nice. So much for turning the other cheek.
I have to disagree with the other commenters.
Let’s see…”Even in the year of 2015, it is assumed that mom’s who sit for one minute, and most times it is only 1 minute, that the mom has been sitting all day”. There’s an amazing leap from the 21 word comment to the stated assumption. And who is it assumed by? Not me, a 63 year old male with grand children. So who is making this generalized assumption?
And another comment labeled the guy as an “idiot” having never met him or walked in his shoes. The commenter must be telepathic to know that?
One person couldn’t imagine having to live with him based on a 21 word comment. I’m not so sure I’d like to live with her based on such “shallow” insights.
And other commenter would be sitting there with her kids with a “finished” bottle of wine. Should I assume that she’s a drunk based on that information? Why not? No I wouldn’t think that she’s a drunk but based on some of the other commenter’s logic they should come to a similar conclusion about the wine commenter.
We’re so quick to judge and so quick to condemn.
My guess is that the guy is probably a decent guy with all the flaws that all the commenters and I have. And I undoubtedly have more flaws than all of you combined. We have such a hard time accepting our own humanness.
Wow an 861 word reply to a 21 word comment!
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Thanks for your comments, Rick! Truly. I love hearing different perspectives and I knew I was opening myself up for a bit of critisism with this post. I hate to read that you will avoid making kind comments for fear of saying it wrong. You’ll have to trust me in that I wouldn’t write such a post if I wasn’t certain that this gentleman’s intentions were to compliment my husband AND insult me. And..while I didn’t include it in the post…his wife seemed really embarrassed and said, “why did you have to do that?” as I was walking away. As for the length of my post…admittedly, I am VERY wordy! Thanks, again!
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No problem. Being an over the hill, overweight, middle aged male, I’m quite used to the “why did you have to do that” comments from my own wife. I generally only open my mouth in order to switch feet. They tend to get soggy after being in my mouth for too long. I often say things in jest (at least in my own mind) that are taken the wrong way. I try not to do that but sometimes it just comes out right in my mind and wrong in the receiver’s mind. I never try to intentionally insult anyone or put them down but at times my dry and warped sense of humor get’s the best of me. Too old to change. So I can understand where this guy is coming from (note to the commenters ready to pounce: “understand” is not the same as “condoning”).
I’m not defending or condoning this guy’s actions in any way but I’ve learned to not judge cuz I sure as hell don’t want anyone but the good Lord above judging me! Even with that I expect a bolt of lighting to strike me down at any time.
My point was more to the commenters who seemed so very ready to judge and condemn someone that they’ve never even met. I guess it’s one way to bond with each other. But the world has way too much negativism in it.
I have read several of your posts and they are interesting. I usually go on GMG to look at the pictures and try to recognize people from my past growing up in Gloucester but I do stray to the blogs once in a while and once in a very great while I have to comment. Gotta go, my wife is in the background shouting, “why did you have to do that”!!!
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point taken. We all say the wrong thing sometimes. and no one is perfect.
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I think I have seen both mom and dad at hockey games all over creation and maybe even Haverhill 🙂
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Stunned by his words & Stunned that you didn’t push him into the pool or toss your drink in his face!
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All I can say is be blessed Dad is so involved not all of us coming up had a father presence your children are blessed to have a mom and “DAD.” And to my mom who had the job – I say this!
In closing, a quote here about native Indians and the spirit of the buffalo: They have much to teach about how to live. They let the female lead in search of food and water. They will take in a child that is lost. They circle around their weak, keeping them always in the center. They face danger rather than running away from it. They will stand close together to hold up one who is wounded. They know what we are thinking.” It took 30 year for me to forgive him and when I finally able to track him down he moved on at 71. I call this love-Faith -Character-Commitment, no (promises) to easily broken!
My honest theme songs as young lad – but did the best I could with other father figures other family members great grandfather and Uncles – Cousins.
Cat’s In The Cradle
America- Another Try with Lyrics
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4A5sKj6VM54
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