Grandma Ethel Needs To Put Down the Crack Pipe


Grandma Ethel’s Lobster Rolls Rock

A Recipe from Island Creek Oyster Bar

lobster roll!

It all started out innocently enough.  It seemed reasonable when you quickly scanned over Granny’s ingredient list and hey, I can even let a lobster roll that has celery in it ride without calling them out but there it was, looming.  The devil in the details-


4 1¼-pound lobsters, steamed
1 c. mayonnaise
½ c. pickles, diced small
½ c. celery, diced small
2 tbsp. lemon juice
2 tsp. celery salt
2 tbsp. kosher salt
2 tsp. white pepper
6 tbsp. butter
8 hot dog buns

She was doing so well.

  • regular hot dog rolls- check
  • butter- check
  • mayo- check

But then the train veers off the tracks

Celery, lemon both no-nos, but the issue which is unforgivable here is glaring- the addition of goddamn pickles to a lobster roll.


Once again I will refer to a simply acronym which tells it all- KISS

Keep It Simple Stupid

There is no need to get all crazy just to be different.  You can understand how some bananahead out in California could make this kind of mistake.  But someone from the Northeast?

For shame!

At least it’s not as bad as last week’s debacle from the broads in California who tried to pass off a lobster roll using frozen lobster meat, celery, onions, lemon and jalefuckingpenos.

Or Bucky From Ohio who details a lobster roll made on a French baguette.

Granny must think she has Tiger Blood ala Charlie Sheen if she thinks sneaking such ridiculous ingredients like pickles into a lobster roll is gonna go unnoticed.

Not Here- Not Now Granny.  It’s Lobster Roll  Eatin’ Season and We Ain’t Gonna Let You Lead These Poor Unsuspecting Folks Down  A Lobster Roll Road Paved With Pickles Of All Things!

Here’s how to do it Grannycakes

5 thoughts on “Grandma Ethel Needs To Put Down the Crack Pipe

  1. I actually don’t really like mayo in lobster rolls. The best lobster roll I ever had was a hot one in a bar in Lunenburg, N.S. It had big chunks of lobster meat in a piping hot hollandaise sauce with just a hint of garlic served on crusty French bread. Out of this world!


  2. Sad thing is the chef is well known – Jeremy Sewall – why can’t they just leave some things alone!

    Glad you called ’em out Joey!


    1. Thanks Cynthia for pointing out such a great atrocity. The Mes thought I was playing a joke when I mentioned that someone added pickles to their lobster rolls.


  3. Here we go again with the lobster rolls! Joey, I want to hear directly from you where I ought to go in Gloucester to get the best lobster roll. I’ll be there in a week and a half and I’m going out on a limb here and presuming I won’t be invited to your house for the Mrs.’s lobster rolls, which I gather are hands down the best. So, where do I get the 2nd best lobster roll?


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