Attention Alert Cape Ann Citizens! Stolen Bike!!!!

Jim Dowd writes-

Attention Alert Citizens!
Upon my return to our beloved island from my work deep down in the cubicle mines of Boston, I discovered my faithful mountain bike "Madeline" missing from the T station in downtown Gloucester. She was locked with a Kryptonite cable through the frame and front tire. As I am the only one with a key and she does not tend to wander off by herself, it is obvious that she has been stolen.
The picture enclosed is her when she was much younger. Today she sports handlebar extensions, black cabling, some stickers (Continental and Powerbar) wire water bottle holders and at the time she was wearing a removeable rear fender, which could easily have been discarded. Her toe-basket clip-straps are red.
I know not what hard use her new master put her to, he who undoubtedly tried to trade her for a few pills of oxycontin only to discover her 1988 vintage not making her worth much more than a TylenolPM, but in my care she was the sole means of solo transportation from my home to the station, hard economic times having reduced our family to a single auto. She was cared for and loved, had a dry place to sleep and plenty of green grease.
Won’t you be on the lookout for her? The dastardly deed has been reported to the GPD and no doubt they are working extra shifts to assure her safe recovery, but nothing supports our finest like watchful eyes. Her stickers and aftermarket handle extensions make her easy to spot. If you do see her you may take one of three actions, depending on your comfortability with confrontation:
A. Stop the rider, tell him/her the bike is stolen and summon the police.
B. Summon the police without alerting the rider, perhaps follow him/her to their destination.
C. Bring me their warm, still pulsating heart in an ornately carved, locked wooden box. (Police involvement not necessary)
Madeline and I thank you enormously. I know she is out there, close by. I can feel her.
Jim.

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8 thoughts on “Attention Alert Cape Ann Citizens! Stolen Bike!!!!

  1. i for sure will be on the look out.. those BASTARDS!.. my son who lives on the left coast has had his bike stolen 5 times in 2 yrs…the bike he has now was stolen last winter, he saw it locked to a meter…stole it back and it was stolen from him again 3 days ago..it was locked every time and is his only form of transportation.
    so, i’ll probably go with your C. suggestion, sans the ornately carved box.
    good luck, Jim

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  2. Dear Jim,
    You are a natural writer, and I loved your witty posting. However, you have my condolences on the loss of Madeline. I wish her a speedy return; please keep us “posted.”

    Like

  3. I agree that your post was very witty and entertaining, though I am sorry about your stolen Madeline, hoping for a speedy return!

    Jenn

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  4. Love the post! Wishing a speedy return and justice for the evil-doers! Maybe a tracking device would be good instead of a bike lock next time. I wish they made them inexpensively. Poor Madeline…

    Like

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