Rules for Boating 2021
- Show up on time, we don’t need to be waiting for your stoner ass to arrive while we bake in the sun on hot asphalt while our ice melts. (And show up with ice)
- Bring your own beer. Seriously? The fact I have to even mention it is pathetic…and bring enough for other people too. Don’t be that asshole asking to “bum” a beer off people. I don’t care if you’re a hot chick or only gonna have 1. Everyone contributes.
- Don’t bring red wine. We already know about your sophisticated pallet. We aren’t on a Yacht, and you’re a drunk with bad balance, so leave the glass at home while you’re at it too!
- Kick the boat owner down for gas. And not $20. Remember that big ass lifted truck with the huge wheels and tires and the loud exhaust that dragged the boat to the lake/River? That shit doesn’t run on hopes and dreams either. So $40 per person is customary. A day of boating can easily go over $500 in fuel. Not to mention one of you drunk assholes breaks something every time we are out, so consider that a deal.
- Don’t bring any random people without prior consent of the boat owner! Nobody wants to be held hostage for 6 hours in a confined space with someone who is Crying, Mad, An Asshole, hitting on your chicks, Ugly or any combination thereof. And don’t ask if you can bring a dude, I’m sure he’s amazing an all. He can meet up with us later….. Or not.
- That girl in your group? The one doing shots at 11 am and vomiting by 2? She can stay home too. You know who your train-wrecks are and you’ll be held responsible if you bring one. I don’t care if she’s hot.
- We don’t go back early to drop off or pick up. Don’t ask.
- Don’t smoke on the boat, not even on the edge. You’re a drunk idiot, so I’ll tell you twice before you burn the upholstery. And chew at your own risk, because if I ever take a swig of Coors light and get a mouthful of your spit, I will not warn you before I knock you the out….No exceptions.
Have a wonderful day and don’t forget sun screen. PS don’t spray that shit on my boat 😉