New York Times puts Gloucester’s big debate on the front page

from the New York Times story: “The harbor in Gloucester, Mass., part of the Northeastern fishery declared a disaster by the Commerce Department last fall.”
photo: Gretchen Ertl for The New York Times

The home page of today’s New York Times website features a story on Gloucester’s big debate about what to do with our waterfront (see story here).

Mayor Kirk is quoted a number of times promoting her vision of our port supporting both fishing and marine science, saying some of the $150 million Congress might appropriate should be used for “Programs that might attract those other uses that allow you to maintain a smaller fleet, and maintain an infrastructure for that fleet, and sit side by side.”

Everybody who’s seriously working on attracting marine science to Gloucester knows we need more than a port.  We also need a thriving cultural economy in order to attract the workers that power marine science.  Most of these workers are young, single PhDs who work very long hours and want to go out after work — and on weekends — for food, drink and music.  They want to feel surrounded by culture.  These people think they want to live in Cambridge.  What they may not know is that Gloucester has a burgeoning cultural economy.  Just look at all the live music available this weekend — and it’s supposed to be the dead of winter!

We’ve got momentum.  But in order to grow a sustainable economy for Gloucester’s long-term, we have to grow our cultural economy a lot more.  That’s where you come in.  Think of Gloucester FIRST when planning what to do at night and on weekends.  Not sure where to eat?  Check out this HUGE list of restaurants.  Check the live music schedule.  You’ll likely find music for every taste.  Want to enrich your life and the lives of your kids?  Check out this impressive list of galleries, studios, museums, theatres, etc.  Think you need to drive to the mall?  STOP!  Check this out and think again.

The secret to growing our cultural economy without losing our soul is to honor our past and embrace our future.  That’s precisely what Fred Bodin does.  His store honors our past by helping to keep the core of our history and culture alive.  And now, he’s taken to filming the future.  Here he is filming Jon Butcher with Dave Brown, Dave Mattacks and Wolf Ginandes at Jalapenos on Tuesday singing Sam Cooke’s classic Change is Gonna Come — how perfect it that!  Boston rock star Jon Butcher moved to Gloucester.  Let’s get out and support his decision, prove him right, boost our cultural economy and — most importantly — have a blast doing it!

Outrage! Monopoly Cuts Iron Token and Adds Cat Token (undoubtedly at the hands of crazy emotionally unstable cat hoarding women)

From CBS Boston this morning-

Monopoly Fans Vote To Add Cat Token, Get Rid Of Iron

PAWTUCKET, R.I. (AP) — Scottie dog has a new nemesis in Monopoly after fans voted in an online contest to add a new cat token to the property trading game, replacing the iron, toy maker Hasbro Inc. announced Wednesday.

The results were announced after the shoe, wheelbarrow and iron were neck and neck in the final hours of voting that sparked passionate efforts by fans to save their favorite tokens and businesses eager to capitalize on publicity surrounding pieces that represent their products.

The vote on Facebook closed just before midnight on Tuesday, marking the first time that fans have had a say on which of the eight tokens to add and which one to toss. The pieces identify the players and have changed quite a lot since Parker Brothers bought the game from its original designer in 1935.

Rhode Island-based Hasbro announced the new piece Wednesday morning.

Let me state for the record that this is a horrible idea on many levels.  First off just think about how poor Scottie the Dog token feels about this development.  Alone at the top of the heap and now this johnny come lately kitty cat just saunters on up and weasels their way on the board.

Then there’s the whole classic angle of the game.  Monopoly is a classic, no doubt about it.  I feel strongly you should never tinker with the classics.

Only a crazy single woman harboring tons of cats in her apartment would think this is a good idea.  Oh and along that vein and pardon my little tangent that I’m about to take here but I think that you’ll agree it’s a tangent worth taking-

Warning to all single men out there-

If you’re out in the evening and get invited back to a woman’s apartment for a “nightcap” and once you get inside the apartment, anticipating to get all up in her business- no matter how hot she may be, no matter how intelligent she may seem or how much you two seem to have in common-

If she’s harboring 3 or more cats- RUN!   Don’t look back.  Just run!!!!  In my experience from back in my bachelor days every one of these multiple cat hoarding single broads are batshit crazy (and I don’t mean batshit crazy in the I wanna tie you up and play sex games kinda kinky way)  I mean batshit crazy in the emotionally unstable kinda way.

So bringing this post back on topic I’m assuming that the majority of people who voted for the cat token to replace the classic iron token are batshit crazy emotionally unstable single cat hoarders.

And is that who you really want making decisions about who decides the fate of your classic board game tokens?

I think not.

A Couple Of Notes About The 2013 Golden Globes

As far as award shows go ever since Ricky Gervais took over 4 years a go and now with Amy Poelher and Tina Fey taking over the hosting duties along with the nominations and award winners I feel like even though winning an Oscar has more cache I would a hundred times rather watch the Golden Globes.

The Oscars have just become way too pompous and arrogant as opposed to the more fun Golden Globes.

  • Ben Affleck winning best director for Argo was fantastic as a bitch slap to the Oscar snub even though I’m not particularly a Ben Affleck fan.
  • Jodie Foster came out in her acceptance speech.  Wait, what? This is news?   We didn’t know she was gay like 20 years ago????
  • This morning the television fashion critics awarded Hugh Jackman as best dressed man.  Now I have no idea how you award this category.  Women wear any different type of dress and you could easily critique their  style.  But a Tux on a man is a Tux on a man.  So I guess you give it to the best looking guy wearing a not  screwed-up tux.

There are two categories of Tuxedos.  A Tux, or some crazy variation of a tux where you look like an idiot.

There’s no gray area.

A Tux-

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Not A Tux

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On Flu Hysteria and The Self Admitted Creepy Guy On Twitter (oh and a poll too)

So yesterday I’m reading all the hysteria about the flu on twitter and suddenly now that Menino announced it as a crisis I guess everything that every man woman and child knew about  this flu season  became real for folks.  But I came across this Tweet that was the straw that broke the camel’s back as far as the hysteria meter goes-

Let me answer unequivocally that I’d rather be the dude that sucks up a couple days with the flu rather than the dope that goes a whole winter wearing a surgical mask.

I hope to god this guy is married already because he’s got zero and I mean zero chance of getting laid rocking a surgical mask out and about all winter.  We’re talking about an epic case of blue balls.  And you know what?  If it comes between an epic case of Blue Balls and an Epic Case of The Flu, give me the Flu 100 times out of 100.

We’re talking about a flu.  Yeah, a nasty flu.  A really sucky fever and chills flu.  Any parent that has had it or had a child with it can tell you how sucky it is but you don’t see the most paranoid Type A moms in the Hamilton or Manchester Mother’s clubs wearing surgical masks.  So I’m gonna venture out on a limb here and use that as my litmus test.  If the Alpha Psycho Type A Moms of the world aren’t even considering wearing surgical masks then no man should wear one.

If you are battling a life threatening illness or if you’re eighty years old and can die of pneumonia, if you have a young newborn at risk at home, by all means, but not if you’re a healthy 30 or 40 something. We’re not talking about SARS.  We’re talking about a flu.

Man Up Bro.

#mancardrevoked

(I just totally signed my I’m gonna get the Flu the minute I land back in Boston card)

Anyway- here’s the poll-

Cambridge Health Experts Back Ban On Big Sodas and I’m Outraged

@GlobeDavidD: We do like to ban things here in Mass., don’t we? Latest: health experts back ban on big sodas in Cambridge. http://ow.ly/gG2b6 Shared via TweetCaster

Now normally I’d be all over these Commies for trying to take away our Civil liberties but I’m upset about this for a whole different set of reasons.

First and foremost because I look at it as a Darwinian type of deal. Like if you’re that grotesque that you gotta pound down the 64 oz Big Gulpie at 7 Eleven shouldn’t we let you so you can put yourself out of misery that much sooner and we won’t gave to carry your ass through retirement?

Just makes much more fiscal sense doesn’t it?

Poop and Lysol- The Poll

 

poops

I’d just like to throw out there the premise that the smell of fresh poop masked unsuccessfully by Lysol is far more offending to the senses than straight up poop.

Am I wrong in my thinking here?

Like if you just laid down a monster turd why not own up to it rather than try to mask it with that god awful Poop/Lysol smell mix? It’s offending to the person walking in after you and it’s offending to the masterpiece you left behind in the can.

Has this ever happened to you?  You’re waiting to relieve yourself and the bathroom is occupied. So you sit there patiently waiting and then the perpetrator walks out of the bathroom.   You walk in an immediately get smacked in the face with a waft of nasty poop/lysol aroma so pungent you feel like Mr T just gave you a Dirty Sanchez.

You drop to the ground commando style and try to work your way out of the bathroom on your elbows like a GI ducking for cover on Omaha Beach, trying to duck below the cloud of agent orange-like nastiness left behind only to discover it’s inescapable.  You’re surrounded by it like the boy in the bubble and now you’ve only got two choices- soil yourself or stand up and inhale in all that poop/lysol aroma.  It’s just burning out your nostrils and leaving you dry heaving your way out of the bathroom, light headed and ready to pass out.

I’d like to propose to parents across the US- please teach your children the proper way to take a dump-

Finish your bidness, wipe til you don’t see any brown on the TP and then wipe a couple more times to make sure, wash your hands with soap and water, grab a handful of paper towels to dry them off and use the same paper towels to open the door so your hands don’t touch the bacteria laden bathroom door handles, stick out your chest and just flat out own that poop.

Pass on the Lysol. It’s just flat out more natural. Haven’t you ever read that book as a child- Everybody Poops?  Poop- Natural.  Lysol/Poop- Not Natural.

Anyway, vote in the poll-

nolysol

Breaking Freaking News: Gwenyth Paltrow Selling New Diet Book In Which You Can Eat Something Like Three Things

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Are people this stupid that they will buy this book? I mean really. You can basically eat salmon, hummus or vegetables. It seems the whole premise of this diet book is based on how few items you can eat.

You can’t eat lobster. No deep water fish like cod or haddock, no coffee, no eggs, no beef, no dairy, no wheat, no wine, no alcohol, no sugar.

Brilliant!

You know what? Screw Gwenynth MF Paltrow and her three item cookbook. I’m coming out with the Joey MF C Diet book if it’s that easy and I’ll make it so you can only eat two things. Stick that in your scrawny ass Gwenyth. By my math two is less than three and I’ll take my two over her three any day.

Here it is, (and if you read past this line you’ll be required by copyright restrictions to PayPal me $19.99 to be privy to my super advanced- “Less Ingredients Than Gwenyth Paltrow’s Diet Book-Diet Book”. Like the title?

Get Ready…..Wait For It………..

The Less Ingredients Than Gwenyth Paltrow’s Diet Book-Diet Book

Lobsters and Bloody Marys. All MF day long.

Oh and exercise. Get off your ass and move your body. Til you sweat. At least five times a week. Any movement. That makes you sweat. At least five times a week. See, if you’re sweating that means your heart rate is elevated and you’re burning calories.

Since you’re reading this you obviously know that you are obligated by penalty of law to pay me for the incredible amount of scientific research I put into this forward thinking diet book.
Guaranteed results or your PayPal payment refunded. Is Gwenyth MF Paltrow willing to back up her Diet Book like your boy Joey C?

$19.99 PayPal to your boy Joey MF C- Life Coach and Motivational Speaker

#BOOM!

In This Day And Age…

I just don’t understand how freaking hard it is to install the equipment necessary to have wifi on all aircraft.

Wifi makes a flight go by what seems 3-4 times faster.

You know how airlines charge extra for checked luggage? In our case $25 more per bag on US Airways for a total of $50 for our one way flight. They should refund you for the total technological failure of not having wifi on all flights in the year 2013. The FAA should shut these goddamn airlines down that don’t have wifi. Fine the shit out of them. Ground these planes til they get their act together.

How is a media giant supposed to keep his finger on the bleeding edge of what is going on for his legions of loyal followers?

Listen, take a couple grease monkeys off safety check duty and get them up inside the cabin installing the necessary equipment to provide wifi. Cancel drink service for a couple weeks, use a lower grade toilet paper in the toilettes. Charge me up for the wifi, I don’t care. I’ll feel a whole lot better about paying for wifi rather than a checked bag, that’s fer shizzy.

Somebody get me a direct line to the CEO of US Air STAT, maybe I can explain to him or her just how important it is.

Bruce Tarr, Ann Margaret, forget about such pithy things like people losing their homes on Plum Island to major storms, let’s focus on much more critical agendas like making sure your boy Joey C has wifi on all his flights.

Thank you for your attention to this serious matter.

Next politician that tackles this matter automatically gets my endorsement. Fiscal cliff, fiscal schmiff, let’s solve the important matters first. Calls for an emergency meeting of the executive branch, no?

Give me wifi on all aircraft or give me death. Enough dickin’ around.

Someone Seems To Think I’m In Need Of A Blow Up Rubber Duckie

Attention People!

I’m not the goddamn duck guy.  That would be the mad scientist Paul MF Morrison.

Packages arriving every day now.  The madness needs to end.

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Why?

In this day and age would it be safe to say that 97% of all restaurant leftovers get reheated in  a microwave?

So why in the world do restaurants use aluminum to-go containers that will cause sparks to fly if you try to reheat them? 

Makes absolutely no sense to me.  You know who uses the best to-go containers?  Chipolte.  It’s a heavy duty paper dish that has some type of lamination that doesn’t make it soggy.  Totally holds up and is totally microwavable and I assume very recyclable.

2012-12-18 07.56.09

I wonder what the thought process is for restaurateurs.  Is it 100% based on low cost?  Is it based on ease of storage in their space?  

Not as terrible a to-go option as the styrofoam soggy fry containers but still not optimal.

ATTENTION RESTAURANT OWNERS- SOGGY FRIES SUCK ASS

Posted on October 25, 2011 by Joey C

Stupidest Thing I Did Today

Went to grab a sub at the supermarket as I was in a hurry and on the way out of the store picked up a bag of Doritos.

I haven’t eaten a bag of Doritos for at least a year.

I feel disgusting.

What a waste of calories.  Empty- disgusting- make your breath bad- disgusting calories.

Idiot.

image

What makes it worse was just last week when I took Snoop Maddie Mad out for some special father-daughter time we were at a restaurant and this guy with pleated dress slacks and a royal blue shirt sits down next to us with his dinner- two hot dogs, two cans of regular pepsi and a bag of chips.  The guy was a total mess with greasy hair and a huge gut and slight shoulders- just carried all his weight like a tire made out of crisco right around his waist. 

All I  could think of was how the guy had totally given up on life.  No pride, not even trying.   Like if it was one hot dog, one can of regular soda and a bag of chips that would have been one thing.  But nooo, straight up two hot dogs, two cans of soda and a bag of chips.  I’m sorta surprised he didn’t double up on the chips.  May as well at that point, right?  Like if you’re trying to kill yourself live it up man, just fill out the two way shit trifecta and double up all the way around.

Seriously.  Two hot dogs, two cans of sugar-laden pepsi and a bag of chips?  Have some respect for yourself.  You know the whole your body is a temple saying and all that?

I shoulda known better than to pick up that bag of Doritos.

I won’t make that mistake again any time soon. Believe that!

Stupid Joey

Tired of folks trying to get me to be vanilla

It’s exhausting responding to people that can’t get the obvious humor or freak out at a swear word.

Seriously.  Exhausting feeling like I have to defend obvious outlandish statements like-

“Don’t forget to bring your children down to Art Haven to paint a buoy to adorn the tree.  That’s what separates our lobster trap tree from all those horribly disfigured monstrosity lobster trap trees up in Maine that are all built out of simply traps and cheap pre-made ribbons imported from China and manufactured in sweat shops with unfair labor practices.

Compare our Tree decorated with heart felt appreciation for our lobster industry and hard working fishermen by sweet adoring children form the Gloucester Community to the abomination seen below-“

It’s a joke.  It’s obvious homerism.   If you can’t deal with it or if the word fuck is going to send you into a tailspin please, get your blog on somewhere else.

So sick and tired of the PC police trying to vanillaize the entire world.

Political Correctness is the ruination of funky society.

You heard it here.

You wanna rail on about something?  Rail on about child abuse, rail on about cancer, rail on about how messed up our health care system is or political hacks.  But jesus h christ if the worst part of your day is that you didn’t get an edgy joke or if a four letter swear word freaks you out so much that you feel like writing a three paragraph email telling me how horrible I am- save it.

This here blog isn’t gonna change.

Here’s a site for those too sensitive for the word fuck- http://disney.com/

Fuck.

P&V LOL #3: Health advice changes with the direction of interest rates

Last Monday we introduced the mathematical concept of inverse proportions, as part of our new series Peter & Vickie’s Laws of Life (LOL).  This week’s LOL is an example of  another mathematical concept, the one-to-one-correspondence, A.K.A. bijection, and could be stated thus: There is a 0ne-to-one correspondence between the change in direction of health advice and the change in direction of the U.S. Treasury Bond Interest Rate.

https://i0.wp.com/3.bp.blogspot.com/-Lg2bsmGzyDo/Tw9iZCwhMRI/AAAAAAAABO0/kpymHcbRp-w/s1600/U.S.%2BTreasury%2BBond%2BInterest%2BRate%2BHistory.jpg

Here are some examples that support this LOL (refer to the graph above):

LETTUCE
One of the best teachers I had was Mr. Ford, a bulky, real-man-football-coach, who didn’t eat salad but always found fun, engaging ways to teach.  For a few weeks of 8th grade biology, he would begin nearly every lesson with, “When you eat a ham sandwich with lettuce …” and proceed to explain how you digest carbs, protein, etc., but the lettuce was pure cellulose, provided no nutritional value and went “right on through.”  This became a class favorite.  He’d say his line and excited hands would instantly thrust into the air as our little buts bounced off the seats.  We just couldn’t wait to finish the rant against lettuce.  In fact, the final question on that year’s final exam (worth 20 points) was an essay: “What happens when you eat a ham sandwich with lettuce?”  My buddy Austin Shelton (who played guitar in my band back then) got 25 points because, in addition to the correct answer, he added a diagram of the complete “lettuce path”, showing it coming out the ass.  The year was 1968 and interest rates were on the rise.

Then, in 1982 Frances Moore Lappé published Diet for a Small Planet, in which she, among other things, promoted the nutritional value of lettuce and interest rates made their steepest reversal of the 20th century!

Need more proof than this? OK, here goes:

FATS
In 1941 people begin using Margarine (a trans-fat) instead of butter and the war against saturated fats in our diets begins in earnest.  Interest rates reverse course.  In 2006, saturated fats are good again, trans-fats are bad, trans-fat labeling becomes mandatory and NYC bans trans-fats in restaurants.  Once again interest rates reverse course.

SMOKING
In 1900, doctors actually prescribed smoking to calm nerves, etc.  Smoking was thought to be good for you.  Interest rates were on the rise.  But scientists were beginning to connect smoking to health problems and in 1921 several states banned smoking.  Interest rates began to drop.  In 1940 doctors began promoting smoking again and, believe it or not, cigarette companies advertised in the JAMA.  Interest rates began to rise.  In 1960 Smokey the Bear said (in an anti-smoking campaign) “Only you can prevent forest fires.”  Interest rates began to fall.

What’s next?  Guess we’ll have to wait until interest rates rise again to see the newest health fad.  Until then, I’ll follow the advice I heard from Julia Child defending her “rich French foods”, saying that her mother always advised “Moderation in all things and a little bit of everything.” — and I’ll enjoy a little bit (or a lot) of everything at our great local restaurants — especially the ones with live music (see here).

In these days when TV chefs are more popular than rock stars, here’s a tribute (with music) to the greatest TV chef of all time.

Stuff I Don’t Get- Why People Stay In Places

There are certain things that I just don’t get.

One of these things is why anyone stays in a horrible ghetto-like neighborhood where there is a ton of drugs and gangs and crime.

What is it that keeps people there?  Like after the first stabbing on my block I’d gather up the belongings and family and hit the road.  Hitchhike or work for food down to Florida and work doubles or triples washing dishes or whatever I had to do to keep food on the table for my family.

The same goes for these war torn countries in the middle east. 

Bomb goes off a block away- “Honey pack up the kids, we outtie!”  It would be that simple a decision for me.

What in the world keeps people hanging around waiting to get their ass blown up?

Not my idea of Home-

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Uhmmmm, Yeah, No.

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Note To Sandwich Makers Everywhere (Rant)

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If you go and pile all the meat in the middle of the sandwich so you can cut it in half and make it look like you use all that large amount of meat throughout the sandwich but leave the edges devoid of meat I’m gonna find out you freakin dumbass.

…and I’m gonna feel like you were trying to pull one over on me. 

…and is that really the message you want to send to your customers?

Yeah, you got me to buy your sandwich because it looked all loaded up with meat where you cut it down the center and displayed it wrapped in cellophane.  Once.

Who the hell wants to eat three quarters of a sandwich that’s all dry because it’s all bread and then get to the center where they cut it and not even be able to stuff it in your mouth?

It’s insulting.  Spread the goddamn meat out and make the best sandwich all the way through, first bite to last.

That’s just being honest. 

What, do we all look like that big of idiots that we’re not going to realize what you did there?

(don’t answer that question)

The Genius Who Redesigned Gum Packaging Should Be Publicly Flogged

I took this cell phone pic this morning as I was getting ready for work.  That pack of gum was not propped to look like the mess it is.  That’s the way it came out of my pants last night when I put the stuff in my pockets onto my bathroom vanity at the end of the day.

Can someone please explain to me what kind of mental giant came up with this design?

I think we should find out what school this person went to and publicly humiliate that institution of higher learning.

It is inevitable that the packets of gum flail about in your pockets and never stay put.  It’s a mess.  Bring me back those old school Wrigley’s packets with the Doublemint or Juicyfruit FTW!

This shit is just not acceptable.

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