So, this conversation came up the other night… “When is using the term Hon (or Honey) appropriate?” Whether it should be spelled “hun” or “hon” is a conversation for another day.
I have a friend who, I’ve noticed, will often say, “Thanks, Hon” as he pays his tab at a restaurant or bar. He means nothing by it….it is simply a habit he has picked up. He is never trying to be condescending nor is he trying to flirt. Nonetheless, when I hear him say it, I sometimes wonder how well it is actually being received by the server/bartender. So, to conduct a bit of research for the sake of the blog, I started to ask.
The feelings were mixed. The three bartenders questioned all happened to be female. The first bartender agreed that it feels a bit unsettling and often seems rude. The second said that it didn’t really bother her when she is working, but that her own fiancé sometimes uses it when they are out, and when she hears it coming from him, it makes her skin crawl a bit too. The third bartender was indifferent. All agreed that it is very situational….and sometimes it wouldn’t phase them at all, but sometimes (under different circumstances) would really annoy them. So, what exactly are those situations?
Well, for example, these questions were posed: The tone of voice used. The age or the customer and/or the age of the server. The gender of both parties involved. Is the person a “regular”? Was the person using the term “Hon” attractive (one very honest bartender brought that up)? Was the customer alone? Dining with a significant other? Out with friends? Was there drinking involved? And even geographic locations.
I went to college in Virginia and everyone was “hon”, “sweetie”, or “babe” down there.
There are so many possibilities to consider. Sometimes it feels ok, sometimes it doesn’t. I’m 44 years old. There is a young, female employee at a particular Dunkin’ Donuts who will always hand me my coffee through the drive thru window with a, “Here you go, Hon” or a “Have a great day, Hon.” While it doesn’t bother me, per say. I find it interesting. I find it interesting that someone so much younger than me would call me “Hon”. More typically, while I don’t enjoy it, in that situation one might think she would call me “Ma’am.” I’m not in love with either. But, I’m not going to lose sleep over it either.
Often times I’ve noticed that when a server is older they will deliver a meal with a, “Here you go, Hon” and I find it totally endearing. Very grandmotherly. That never strikes me as odd…..but, why?, I wonder. Years ago, my husband and I went to a certain place maybe once a month or so. There was a female bartender there (in the same age range as us) who ALWAYS called my husband, and most other male customers, “Hon” but never the female customers. I found that a bit annoying.
I wanted to conduct a poll on the matter, but I think that there are too many factors to be considered, so I hesitate to do so. Rather, do me a favor, and leave a comment in regards to when it is OK…..and when it is definitely NOT ok. I’d be interested to know your opinion.
Good Morning Gloucester 
I think 9 times out of ten it’s meant as a sweet gesture without any ill connotation to it but rather in all sincerity simply trying to be nice.
I blame the feminatzi for turning a sweet term into something malicious.
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I recently walked into a car dealership and the salesman said “Hello Hon” to me. I replied. “Hi sweetie” and told him that I had already bought a car from the younger salesman behind him that had the good sense to speak with me respectfully. I am nobody’s Honey but Mario’s. Period. It is condescending when used in a manner such as he did. That’s my two cents.
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Guilty myself. Sometimes it just comes out of my mouth and I hope the other person doesn’t take it wrong. I’m more in the “grandmotherly” category than any other and I used to hate it but now I kind of like it. I’m with you — acceptance or insult is based on the situation. Pat D
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I think it is fine…just one person’s way of expressing a friendly gesture
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I think this is just another of those things that are OK when a woman does it, but more iffy when a man does it…
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It does matter who says it to whom and where, I suppose. One of the great features of the Great Chesapeake Bay Schooner Race from Baltimore is an early breakfast with that cheerful greeting. Be warned of the trademark.
Al Bezanson
http://articles.baltimoresun.com/2010-12-09/entertainment/bs-ae-hon-trademark-20101209_1_hontown-denise-whiting-cafe-hon
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I am a female senior citizen and I find the use of “hon” rude, insulting and too familiar coming from a stranger.
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I don’t like it unless it comes from someone I know very well . I know I am old-school about some things, but since “hon” is assumed to be short for “honey”, it feels disrespectful coming from a stranger.
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I have said it all my life and I do not discriminate between the sexes; I simple love people. I’m a female Senior who never thought of it as rude, unless someone said it in a condescending manner. So I guess tone of voice should be considered. In general, I think most people are just being friendly. I wasn’t ugly. Does that count? Have a good day all, and don’t sweat the small stuff.
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This can a challenge guess it really depends upon timing 5W’s – I know it was extensively by older folks to kids when I was coming up on the path of life…Never bothered me everyone was close in my younger days like that. Now if you know a person is the jealous type may want to exercise due diligence then. Make any sense?
Dave:-)
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I think “hon” is fine, coming from either sex at any age. It’s just friendly, and has no sinister aspects at all. But you know what’s really awful? To be called “young lady” when one is clearly not young. They might as well say “Old Lady” because that’s what they mean!
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If you prefer to be greeted, without eye contact, by a robotic “may I help the next person in line please?”, there are plenty of places that may be to your liking.
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Interesting discussion. I’m a 67 year old GUY and find no problem with the word “Hon” and wish that those that find it offensive simply say something like “I’d prefer you say xyz”
End of manufactured problem.
Lately I find women of all ages opening doors for me (I have white hair and work out every day) I thank them. I suppose I could get worked up about being treated like a senior citizen but that is crazy! lets just be civil to each other , your intent will show. Please don’t be a victim or get bruised easily. Especially when people are trying to be nice. Stop this nonsense.
PS:What I have found in giving a woman a compliment is that I focus on the smile. If they have a good one . I will say thank you for your
lovely smile and friendly service. If its really good I might use radiant or million dollar smile.
Never had a problem with that. I’d like to know what women readers think about my complimenting on smile and/ or service,
Is there someone out there that would see some evil intent in that? I certainly avoid complimenting on physical attributes or manner of dress, save for friends and family. I wonder if smile is an action so maybe complimenting on actions is a better way to go.
People with RBF don’t get anything but a thank you .
Look it up if you are not familiar with the acronym.
By the way, down here wintering in Florida, I don’t find people worrying abut this stuff. It’s a happy place.
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