Tag: rant

Bastardized Lobster Roll on Tap Today At Gloucester Gourmet

Posted on by Joey Ciaramitaro

I don’t even know where to begin on this atrocity- and in our own back yard, a local.

I will say up front Anadama bread on it’s own- Fantastic. 

For the love of christ, not on a lobster roll.  and then to add lettuce and celery??????

I see what you’re doing here Melissa Abbott, you’re trying to get inside my head.  You’re taunting me.  Saying I know how I’ll get Joey C to feature my blog on his site.  I’ll bastardize the one thing that there can not be any dispute about in an attempt to explode his brain.

It’s lobster, it’s tradition.  Why do we feel it necessary to mess it up.  Can’t we all agree that Andama bread is OUTSTANDING for French toast.  I’ll even go as far as to say it’s THE BEST bread on the planet for French Toast.  But please get that shit away from my lobster rolls.  It’s an outrage.  It’s an atrocity.  It’s unforgivable. 

www.GloucesterGourmet.com ?  Uhm you may want to rethink the title of your new blog to www.GloucesterNoYouGourmet-not.com

I can’t go on.  I’ve got a headache.  People, want to let Melissa know what’s up here in this latest of all crimes committed against tradition and all that is good and sacred in the lobster world.

Look at this bullshit would you-

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photo from www.gloucetergourmet.com a demonstration on how to mess up a really good thing

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Lobster Salad Sandwich on Anadama Bread with Garden Red Leaf Lettuce

her ingredients-

Lobster Salad Recipe
Fresh Lobster Meat slightly chopped
Freshly chopped celery  FAIL
Cains Mayonnaise
Red Leaf Lettuse from my Garden FAIL

It’s simple people- The split top bun.  Not Baguette, Not a goddamn Panini, not a Saint Joseph’s roll and No, Not on Anadama bread.

A split top bun in which you slather on the butter and grill to a golden brown, then you add the cold lobstermeat mixed with a dollop of Cains mayo.  That’s it. Nothing green, no paprika, no celery, no onion, no pickle no other frou frou bananahead ingredients. 

How many times do we have to go over this?

Don’t out-think tradition.  Don’t out-think perfection.  You’re gonna go and mess up the lobster roll’s good name because you’re jumping the shark on this, trust me.

Congratulations Melissa You Made It To The Big Time- A Feature On GMG

Orange Mulch Is A Fail

Posted on by Joey Ciaramitaro

Someone needs to clue me in on how you could go to the landscape supply joint and make the conscious decision to buy orange mulch over the nice dark brown (almost black) compost mulch.

I’ll go dark brown mulch all day long over toxic waste neon orange mulch.

It’s just way more aesthetically pleasing.

I don’t know a whole lot about landscape supply costs.   Maybe they pay people who opt for the neon orange mulch to take it away from their landscape supply yard.  I can’t think of a single other reason someone would choose it over the classy dark brown.

They actually dye it that hideous orange color.  You gotta be a savage to get the orange stuff, no?

What am I missing here?

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Public Toilet Seat Nest or Public Toilet Bowl Landing Pad, What Ya Got?

Posted on by Joey Ciaramitaro

I was reading one of my favorite websites, www.barstoolsports.com a couple days ago and the genius writer David Portnoy goes on to explain how if you don’t build a nest around the toilet seat that you are deranged.  See the photo below of Mr Portnoy’s technique-

Quote-

There is being a tough guy and then there is being an idiot. Not building a force field is just plain stupid

BarstoolSports photo:

My theory is a bit different.  I feel that much more scary and caveman is to not build a landing pad for your turds so you don’t get that dreaded blue splash-back.

You want your poop to land gently on the pad and the half a roll of toilet paper you crumple up at the bottom of the toilet to diffuse the splash so it doesn’t come back and hit your undercarriage.  I think the splash-back is one hundred billion times more nasty than sitting on a seat that’s been cleaned several times a day.

Nothing worse than getting that blue stuff that’s all mixed up with god only knows whose poop and pee on your junk.

That’s just plain common sense and that’s why I always go with the toilet bowl landing pad over the toilet seat nest.

I go through about half a roll building my landing pads up but hey I gotta insure there’s no chance that any of that disgustingness ever comes up and splashes me.

Here’s the Joey C Patented Toilet Bowl Landing Pad Half Way Built Up-

2012-06-18 10.16.15

What Ya Got?

We Must Protect This House!!!!

At This Point I Think They Are Messing With Me. Bike Riding 101 Violations On My Way Home Last Night

Posted on by Joey Ciaramitaro

10 minutes of this last night on my way home.  I couldn’t photoshop photos this bad.

Isn’t this Bike Riding 101 that you ride single file?  This isn’t the Tour de France where you’re trying to get around other bike riders to win the race.  This is out for a goddamn bike ride practice.  There are no sponsorships for getting around the guy in front of you.  You are training and you are supposed to ride single file.  So while I’m behind you for 10 minutes and the cars are piling up behind me why is it that you continue to ride side by side holding conversations?  In what inconsiderate city state or town is it considered polite to take up the whole lane and make the motor vehicles pile up behind you?

Didn’t I call it yesterday in the Obnoxious Bike Rider Rant that the more stupid the bike riding outfit the more they hog the road?  Maybe it’s the spandex cutting off the oxygen to their brains.

Or maybe what is more likely, they read my Obnoxious Bike Rider Rant and now they are just out to fuck with me.

Arghhhhh!

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The Obnoxious Bike Rider Rant

Posted on by Joey Ciaramitaro

I’d first like to state for the record that I am a huge supporter of all forms of bike riding, bike riding competition, bike riding for fun and bike riding as a means of transportation.

I am also all about bike rider safety and hope all bike riders wear light colored clothing with reflectors and take every precaution to keep themselves safe on the road.  Now that I’m older and my eyes get worse and worse each year I understand how difficult it can be to  see dark objects at night and why the reflective strips and light colored clothing is.  I hope everyone everywhere respects bike riders and bike riders safety.

imageNow having said all that I would like to ask a little favor of all the bike riders out there.  For the love of Christ if you are out for a bike ride could you please please please stay as close as you can safely stay to the right hand side of the road?

As I was just coming back from making a lobster delivery I get behind a row of about 10 bicyclists.   Out for a leisurely ride and on busy rogers street about half of them are 6-7 feet into the middle of the road while there is a line of cars behind me and a ton of oncoming traffic on the other side of the road.

If you safely hug the right hand side of the road I’d have no problem passing right by you but you grape smuggler funny bicycle short wearing bananaheads feel it necessary to take up the whole road.  I could floor it and squeak around your inconsiderate ass but that’s not my style.  As the Mrs constantly reminds me I drive like a grandmother, a slowpoke.

And why is it that there seems to be a correlation between the outrageousness of the bicycle outfit and the obnoxiousness of the road hogging.

Like the crazier the outfit the more of the road the feel they own.

I ask that if you are a bicycle rider and again you should be commended for trying to stay fit with such a great outdoor activity, but please try to be considerate of the folks that share the road with you and stay as closely to the right hand side of the road as you can.  Us motor vehicle operators want nothing but the safest of driving environments for you.

Thank you

You just know this dude doesn’t give a shit who is behind him-

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Forget about these guys- I’m guessing they ride in formation five across, blocking entire lanes while holding conversations about their nut sacks and how they could possibly mash their junk up more.-

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The DJ Rant

Posted on by Joey Ciaramitaro

I’ve kept this one bottled up for far too long.

Much like The How To #U@& UP A Lobster Roll Rant, The Broads Out In California Lobster Roll Rant, The Note To Restaurant Owners Rant, The Follow Up To The Note To Restaurant Owners Rant, The Bluetooth Headset Rant , The Soggy French Fry Rant, The Pensive Pose Rant, these are more like Public Service Announcements.  I’m just trying to make the world a better place.

This one goes out to the DJ’s of the world.

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It is time to retire Celebrate, We Are Family and YMCA from your music library.

I will go so far to say that if the DJ you hire plays any of these songs you should fire him on the spot and take over the wheels of steel, iPod, or whatever else is driving the music.-YOU CAN DO A MUCH BETTER JOB!

We went to a benefit a couple of months ago and this DJ who was much younger than me started doing his thing.  I swear he didn’t play a single song from this decade or last decade.  We’re talking straight 80’s.  From start to finish.   Not a single person danced to a single song except the party organizers who were obviously embarrassed by the DJ selection.

There was hope when I saw this particular DJ was 30ish.  Nope- he may have been the worst DJ of ALL TIME.

I like lots of classics, I really do, but really there is a music catalog beyond those same old tired tracks that you hear at every wedding or fundraiser since 1982.

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My advice either these old DJ’s either better get current or the young kids running their equipment from iPad’s are gonna eat your lunch.

NEW MUSIC HAS BEEN CREATED IN THE PAST 5-10 YEARS I SWEAR!

and any of you that tell me that the new music all sucks, you just haven’t listened, there are some great new artists out there.

I want to give these older DJ’s a chance to update their libraries but honestly in the past three years I’ve probably been to 20 events where there was a DJ and you know what the trend is?

The trend is that the high school kids who are buying equipment are doing a bazillion times better job than the older DJ’s around that rehash the same old playlists from the 80’s.

Get with it or step aside and let the youngsters take over.

My Boy Matty K from the Farm Bar and Grille is IMO the greatest DJ around these parts.  Sista Felicia had a youngster spinning at BJ and Amanda’s Graduation party last night and he killed it.

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My message to all those folks asking me to join the Occupy Boston Movement:

Posted on by Joey Ciaramitaro

If there was some type of message I might be able to discern from your movement I might consider joining the cause but to be honest I‘m exhausted working close to 100 hours a week trying to do the right thing and support my family.

If y’all ever get your shit together and come up with a bullet list that doesn’t include bailing on your financial and personal responsibilities I might consider it.

But until then I’ll be down the wharf grinding out a living. 

Good luck. 

You can read my rant here, it was about personal responsibility ,not about bailing on it.

If you want, what would be near the top of my list after the Congressional reforms, would be shareholder revolt.  Shareholders should demand  that the board of directors of these big public companies get haircuts in pay and they need to return more dough back to the shareholders.  After all, that is the reason you buy stocks to begin with- to participate in that company profits in the form of dividends.  Companies are sitting on record amounts of cash but they don’t even pretend to return it to the investors in higher dividends.  Could you imagine how much they would be rewarded by folks that can’t get by on the meager returns in banks if they could get reasonable dividend returns?

Get rid of lobbyists, and stop putting barriers and ridiculous demands on small businesses to drive them out and into the hands of large businesses and when I say large business I don’t mean 50- 500 employee companies I mean Fortune 500 companies.

Did I hear that the big unions are getting involved?  What a shame it would be if all the good that might have come from it ends up being something that hurts small businesses, because you know that’s generally who ends up taking it in the culo.  Small businesses and the middle class working man.

The CBS Boston Most Valuable Blogger Everything Else Category Rant

Posted on by Joey Ciaramitaro

As many of you know (and I swear I don’t want to be obnoxiously asking for your votes every two seconds) Good Morning Gloucester, our blog is among the 30 or so nominees for Boston’s Most Valuable Blogger in the Everything Else category.

It’s a great honor and it’s all because of our contributors and community who send in material as well as comment on posts and/or help out with the latest foolish plans we may be concocting to dominate the world.

I don’t want this to come off as a plea for votes but I just now had the time to click through the other nominees on the list and out of the 30 or so, there really IMO are only about 5 that belong there.  I’m not even saying GMG deserves the top spot (although in my mind it does) but I could see how someone could vote for Adam Gaffin’s excellent and oft updated Universal Hub. 

What I cannot understand is how there are some nominees in the category that hardly ever even update or may only update once a week.  There are some nominees that have a total of three blog posts for the whole month of August.  We bang that out by 8AM on any given day.  So if you have time and see some of the other nominees even in the same category that we are nominated in, look through and at least vote for some blog that cares enough to maintain the thing.

I would tell you that there are some local Cape Ann blogs that I would put up over at least 60% of the nominees in the contest.

Anyway I truly am appreciative to whoever nominated us in the first place and I hope that if we don’t win that someone that puts in the time and energy that we do, does win.

Thanks for your support…end rant

When did middle school children’s activities get so bananas?

Posted on by Joey Ciaramitaro

When did middle school children’s activities get so bananas? Travel teams, pro style uniforms, traveling overseas, non-stop fundraising?

Remember Babe Ruth and pee-wee baseball with iron on numbers on t-shirts? Now they wear the same uniforms as the pros.

Why promise kids that if they earn enough through fundraising that they can go overseas? What’s wrong with taking a 4 hour bus ride to NYC? A big city is a big city, believe me.

New Glasses For Your Nerdy Buddy Joey-The Bet

Posted on by Joey Ciaramitaro

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How much do you think they cost including frames, super-lightweight lenses with scratch roofing and anti-glare?

Over $200 or under $200

OK, OK I can’t take it any more!!!!  I have to spill the beans.  If any of you heard the last podcast you were privy to my absolute meltdown rant about the reaming the Mrs took even after using a $50 for $200 Groupon worth of eyeglasses at a regional eyeglass place which shall go un-named (not in Gloucester).  It was the only time I’d gotten burnt using a Groupon but my ass still hurts from getting bent over at that place.  First of all the worst frames not including the lenses that they offered in the whole place started at $169. the frames the Mrs picked out were $228  Then if you wanted the standard lenses which are heavy and are thick as old school coca-cola bottles they are an additional $220 and if you want the the lightweight and scratch-proofing that is an additional $124.  After hearing all this in the store I was visibly and audibly upset, knowing we were being taken advantage of and I let the guy know it.  We opted to forgo the scratch proofing and lighter lenses and we paid $428 minus the Groupon which cost us $50 for $200 worth of glasses which netted $278 out the door for her middle of the road frames without any special lenses.

Listen to my rant about this experience on the GloucesterCast podcast by forwarding to 9 minutes in after clicking here-

https://goodmorninggloucester.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/041911gloucestercast.mp3

So as we left the un-named regional Eyeglass chain after shelling out the dough we got into the car where The Mrs knows I’m steaming mad.  I’m mad at myself for not investigating a little more but never in my wildest dreams did I think there could be that much juice in eyeglasses but apparently I was grossly mistaken.

I was railing on and on about how screwed we just got and how mad I was.  After hearing enough she starts to tell me that I’m just out of touch with prices nowadays and that it had been forever since I bought eyeglasses and that they must have gone up in price.

That’s when we made the bet.  I bet her that I could get glasses at Costco or BJ’s WITH the lighter lenses AND the scratch proofing for $200 or less.  She took the bet saying that there was no way.

Well wouldn’t you know I didn’t get one, but two pairs of goddamn glasses and two boxes (a dozen) contact lenses for $200.98.  One pair has the scratch proofing and the super-light anti-glare lenses for $108.98 and the other at $59.99 I got without the extras as a spare.

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So there you go.  I paid for two pairs of prescription eyeglasses and a dozen contact lenses 30% less than she did for one pair without any upgrades. And for those of you wondering, she had a regular single prescription just like mine, no bifocal or progressive lenses.

Do your eyeglass shopping at BJ’s or Costco and save yourself some dough.

I don’t get it.

Posted on by Joey Ciaramitaro

My dad taught me to save.

One of his lessons when I was very young was that he would point out a guy that drove a new Mercedes that he knew was in financial trouble and then he pointed out a fisherman that he knew was a saver and drove a beat up old pick up truck.

The point he made was that it didn’t mean anything if you made $125K per year but spent $130K per year.  The guy that made $50K but saved $15K was ahead.

That’s why I feel like all of this stimulus and crazy low interest rates is so counter-intuitive to everything my dad taught me.

The incentive to save is gone because banks can’t offer you a decent rate of return because the government just keeps printing money.

They have tried to do away with the business cycle of boom and bust by rewarding companies that make shitty business decisions by bailing them out instead of letting them fail and letting the responsible company that kept a strong balance sheet to buy them at auction prices, and they do the same thing for people that are irresponsible with home purchases.

They place the blame on the lenders.  At what point is someone that is signing a mortgage responsible?

I feel like both parties have completely sold out our future and the answer is always to print more money to bail us out.

The reason that people are supposed to invest in stocks is because you expect growth and to be able to participate in profits in the form of dividends but these companies hardly even pretend to pay out decent dividends because investors (myself included) have allowed the upper management of these public companies to pay themselves exorbitant  salaries and pass on hardly anything at all back to the small investor.

Can you believe that people were upset that they couldn’t invest in the GM stock offering?

Who the fuck in their right mind wants to invest in a shitty company that makes shitty cars who has already proved that it can’t manage itself and can’t compete worldwide because of the ridiculous amount of money it has to pay it’s union workers and pensions?  and yet people are tripping over themselves to throw money at this company????

So all the talking heads on tv say that they want the American consumer to spend-spend- spend, and I’m scratching my head saying why wouldn’t they want people to save- save-save, and possibly be able to take care of themselves when they get older and retire at a reasonable age?

How the hell is anyone supposed to ever retire if they are teaching every generation that it is Un-American to save money?

WHEN DID LOGIC GET TURNED ON IT’S HEAD??????

Am I a crazy person?  Is there something I’m missing???

was dad wrong???

God help us all.

end rant