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Tag: Advice
Ask Joey C- Tired Of Waiting For A Ring
On Behalf of Tired of Waiting-
My good friend “Lisa” started dating someone named “Ted” a few years ago who was separated and estranged from his wife. Last summer Ted got his divorce, and now Lisa says she wants to marry him. Ted is dragging his feet, has yet to pop the question, but proclaims his love and spends quite a bit of time with Lisa. Now Lisa is losing interest and feels as though she may have wasted her time waiting for Ted to pop the question, and that maybe he will never be ready for another marriage. She is flirting with other men, but not cheating, yet. What should I tell Lisa?
What should you tell “Lisa”? Seriously? The handwriting isn’t flashing in large enough neon letters in enough intensity for you?
If “Lisa” feels like she is wasting time only because she doesn’t have a wedding ring and flirting with other men then is she really in love with “Ted” to begin with, or is she in love with the IDEA of being married? I suggest it’s the latter.
If Ted isn’t ready to make a commitment to her then maybe she needs to back away a little and tell Ted that if he doesn’t think that he will ever be ready for marriage then she wants to be straight up with him that she may want to see other people. She needs to be confident and happy enough with herself and not feel like a wedding ring is the thing that will complete her. If her and Ted have a great time together then they can continue to hang out as close friends with benefits. If Ted isn’t willing to commit (and I’m not saying he should or shouldn’t be as he was still pretty recently divorced) then just be straight up with him. I’m not a fan of playing games.
I will tell you this- when it’s time for marriage if a guy is dragging his feet, he’s not ready.
When a guy is ready for marriage there is no hesitation, there is no-one he would rather be with, talk on the phone with and he will have wished he had the girl on lock down yesterday.
Unfortunately society puts a ton of pressure on men and women to get married especially as they get older even if they may or may not be ready. I think we all have seen how some elder aunts, mothers and married friends unfairly look at unmarried women in their thirties as if they should have pity on them. It’s too bad because this can lead people to enter marriage or seek a mate not because they are truly in love, but because of some stupid number of an age by which they are led to believe is when “normal” people wed.
Because “Lisa” is already flirting with other men then this leads me to believe she isn’t ready for marriage to “Ted” Ever think of that?
A man, a woman, a ring or personal possessions should not define a person. You have to love you first. When you love yourself you are strong enough to realize that without any of these things you can still be happy. Be independent, be strong and define yourself for you and I’m sure the man or woman that is right for you is going to love you all the more for that strength.
She would do them both a favor by taking my suggestion to either move on or agree to date other people. “Ted” might not see it that way at first but he also probably doesn’t know she’s going around flirting with other guys.
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As always I appreciate your comments to this and any post on GMG and if you have an “Ask Joey” submission email it to me at goodmorninggloucester@yahoo.com I assure you the questions will remain anonymous.
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Ask Joey- Bartender crush
Bartender crush writes-
Hey Joey-Can you give me some advice-
I have a crush on a bartender here in town.
When I am there with my friends I am way to nervous to ask him out. I’m sure he has plenty of girls that are into him and I don’t know of a way to stand out and get his attention. What should I do?
OK, here you go.
I’m pretty sure we are living in the year 2012, right? This isn’t 1950 where women were expected to be docile quiet home makers and wait to be asked out.
I’m assuming you are a female interested in a male bartender but even if you’re a woman interested in a female bartender or male interested in a female bartender, whatever. It’s very simple- ask the person to hang out one day.
I’m not a fan of the stone cold “never met someone before and straight up ask them out for dinner routine” but the best way to ask someone out if you don’t really know them is to invite them to a party or an event where there will be a bunch of your friends, male and female there.
Perfect scenario is this-
A bunch of friends are going to a Sox game, you buy an extra ticket and ask the person you are interested in if they want to come along. This way you set up a date but it’s not like you’re putting yourself out there for rejection as if you asked them to go out for dinner one night. If they want to go, they go, you feel out the chemistry and if you hit it off you hit it off. If the person isn’t into you they decline but it’s not as if you asked them out on an official date so it’s not as awkward.
If you’re not into sports the Cape Ann Museum has been holding Cape Ann After Hours events where they have wine and get together that would be a perfect event if you’re an artiste. Get a bunch of your friends to go and then meet the bartender for coffee first at Pleasant Street for a cup of coffee. You’re friends will make you look like the superstar you are and if you are not comfortable holding the conversation one on one you have your friends to play off of.
Point is you can ask someone out without risking a huge let down if the person isn’t interested. If they are, believe me they will make the time to hang out with you and if the event you are going to interests them it provides a way for you to get together and feel each other out.
There you go.
If you have a Love Life or Etiquette question send it in to goodmorninggloucester@yahoo.com It will be answered by me and you will remain anonymous.
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Joey C Love Life Advice- Recently Divorced Wants To Meet Smart Professional Women
Recently Divorced asks-
I am recently divorced after twelve years of marriage and having trouble getting back back into the local dating scene. Do you have any suggestions where to meet smart, professional women?
This is an easy one.
First off what I would tell you is to forget all about trying to consciously meet someone. Relationships start when you least expect it and women can smell desperation from a mile away.
Lucky for you if you live in Gloucester there are only about a bazillion different social, business and physical activities happening each and every week. Read the Gloucester Times Event Listings, Read The GMG Things To Do Section daily found here, if you love business get involved with The Chamber or The DMO. The main thing is to get out there, throw yourself into something you really enjoy and chances are you will meet someone with like interests when you least expect it.
Now since you are recently divorced your confidence may be slightly off and the key to meeting women (or men) is confidence. I would suggest at the top of any list that you start a work out regimen. Working out especially at a gym releases great hormones and will boost your testosterone levels. You will begin to feel better about yourself as you get stronger and more fit and believe me when I tell you, nothing is more attractive than confidence to women. Confidence is not arrogance mind you, just feeling good about yourself will do wonders when you present yourself to a potential friend or mate.
The Manchester Athletic Club is teaming with women especially around 9am when they drop off their children at school and at that time there happens to be many fitness classes that women attend.
Cross Fit Cape Ann seems to also have a community sense of friendships fostering over there.  Now remember you’re not there to meet women specifically, you are there to work out and not be the creepy stalker guy. Forget about consciously trying to meet women, build confidence in yourself and the women will come to you.
If the arts is your thing, get involved in the many artists associations like the Rocky Neck Art Association, seARTS, take some classes, you get the idea.
The main thing is to get yourself out there , foster your passions and build up your confidence once again.
Oh and the most important of all- DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BRING UP YOUR EX. Not in a good way, not in a bad way. No prospective partner wants to think that you are still obsessing over a past relationship. Don’t lie, but ABSOLUTELY DO NOT COMPARE, CONTRAST OR BRING UP YOUR EX! If asked a specific question about your ex, no matter what say something complementary and move on to a different subject without lingering on over it. Nothing will kill your chances faster.
Let me know how you make out.
If you have a love life question you would like answered send it in to goodmorninggloucester@yahoo.com I’d be happy to answer it and it will 100% remain anonymous.
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